Roll With It, Inc | by Jennifer McCallson"

The Naked Truth About Being Sexy

Written by Jennifer McCallson on September 28, 2015

Recently a friend of mine, who also happens to be a quadriplegic like myself, posed in lingerie to demonstrate that people with disabilities are sexy too. Since then she has received a mixture of praise and condemnation from the disability community and mainstream media. My fiancé was clueless to this event, so I played a little game with him. Yes, it appears that I set him up for failure, but I assure you that is not the nature of our relationship and I knew that I was comfortable with whatever answer he gave. I said to him “I want to run something by you. Recently I was asked to do a lingerie photo shoot to demonstrate that people with disabilities are sexy too. I am going to pose outside of my chair, on the bed, to remove it as a distraction. Would you care if I did it?” I pause to let him think for a moment, I can already tell he does not like the idea. I then continue to state “there is a high possibility that this could blow up and your family and friends would see too.” Again a slight pause and then a deep exhalation of breath from him, followed by “I get what you’re tying to do babe, and if you really want to do it I won’t stop you. However, here’s the thing: you’re sexy with your clothes on.” That profound statement not only affected my heart from a point of gratitude for the man standing in front of me, but it affected my perception of the way society dictates the definition of sexy.

I am in no way judging Rachel for her photo shoot. One of her goals was to get people talking about sex and disability, and she did just that. Great job sister! I am however addressing the fact that society is still continuing to perpetuate the lie that sexy is defined by ones exterior appearance.

Some comments berate Rachael for being pretty and having a smaller body size, which enables her to be sexy in the eyes of mainstream society. While other comments insult her looks telling her how ugly she is and to stop trying to be sexy. Yet there are also the many that praise her beauty and courage. The problem will all of these comments is that they continue to minimally define sexy as purely physical, ignoring the personal characteristics of one’s true nature that is what ultimately causes one human to be attracted to another human.

Sexy is an energy, a feeling, and an interaction of souls. Sexy cannot be defined by nudity or adherence to any particular physical appearance. We all have personal physical preferences, but there is no rule to what is or is not sexy, there never has been and there never will be.

So, how do we change the collective subconscious of a society that defines sexy as merely physical? It starts with our own attitude and belief in our own sexiness and self worth. If we begin to genuinely invest in our own value and our own perception of our self image, then the idea that one is not sexy because they use a wheelchair or look a certain way will begin to seem silly. This idea of self love and acceptance may seem overwhelming for many with self esteem or body image issues, and that’s understandable. But don’t let that stop you from moving toward the freedom and liberation of self love. When we love ourselves we are sexy.